The Joan Rivers starter collection…

Cosmetic Surgery: a consumer’s guide
Rosenthal
1977

Face-lifts: Everything you always wanted to know
Browning
1982

Body Sculpture: Plastic Surgery from Head to Toe
Morini
1972

Three for one special!  Cosmetic surgery, as the baby boomers age, has got to be one hot topic for public library collections.   Not that I have any PERSONAL need for cosmetic surgery, mind you, but I sure as heck want my library to have something more current. (You can insert your own joke about it being a scalpel, not a magic wand, here.)    One of the books had a lot of before/after pictures.  Half looked scary and the other half, I couldn’t tell if the surgery  “worked.”  

These particular copies also looked pretty sad in the condition department. Now what does THAT say?

Lookin’  good,
Mary

Teach Those Kids a Lesson!

Teacher Spanks Johnny
Rovetta
1968

From anonymous submitter:

“The book is called Teacher Spanks Johnny: A Handbook for Teachersby Catherine Humbargar Rovetta and Leon Rovetta (I’d love to meet their children now).  Being a teacher myself, I just HAD to have this book.  Empty threats are no more in my classroom!  Not after a quick reference to page 18 in the chapter titled Force Used on Pupil By Teacher where it states that “five blows with a ping-pong paddle is not unreasonable force“.  (Actually, I’ve never even dared to bring this book into my school for fear of it falling out of my bag or being discovered by the wrong person).  Though the book is not loudly “condoning” corporal punishment in school, it does offer some sort of a shortcut for anyone in the mood to offer a few, quick lashes to a deserving student or two.  It is meant to help the teacher understand the possible consequences of their aggressive (yet nurturing?)  actions by referencing some similar court cases.  So – the author is basically saying,do what you want to these little insubordinates, but first see what happened to the last guy that did it.  If he’s not in trouble for doing it, then swing away!!

I do enjoy this book.  Every modern parent should read it before enrolling their student in a public school so they can finally take a break from pointing their fingers in our faces, put the phone down and thank us for coming so far today.  For what we must put up with in the course of one school day, I think it’s best to say that patience is a virtue and your children are lucky that they only got 10 minutes taken away from their recess – could have been a meter stick, is all I’m sayin’.”

Holly: That pretty much says it all. Thanks, submitter!

Slacker handbook

The Underachiever: Challenges and Guidelines
Wellington
1965

Anonymous submitter wants us to know that not only is this book still in the collection.  It also has a some kind of makeshift cover in all its ugly glory.  Evidently the the underachieving staff member charged with binding/repairing didn’t do either. 

Mary

Easy DOS It!

Easy DOS It!
Bauer
1985

There very well might be a reason why someone would want to learn DOS.   The information in this book is readily available without having to make space in the crowded computer section for this ancient book.  A small/medium sized public library’s computer section reveals the library’s relevancy, so effort should be made to keep it up to date.

I just love the cover, though.  It definitely looks like computer clip art from 1985!  Gotta love the $5 price tag. 

Holly

Love Bugs

The Love Bugs
A Natural History of the V.D.s
Stiller
1974

This wonderful selection was sent from an ALB spy and was plucked from a youth non-fiction collection.  Submitter says that this has circulated as late as 2004.  It blows my mind that someone would think this is still worth keeping in a youth collection.  I also haven’t heard the terms VD or love bugs in at least 30 years.  Would today’s teens even know what this book is about?  (I won’t even bother with the obvious comments on sexually transmitted disesases and our knowledge  since 1974…)

From submitters own words:
“The chapters about venereal diseases in history and literature are actually quite interesting, funny, and gross, so if you were a teenager in 1974, this book might actually be entertaining as well as useful. Admittedly, the final chapter on prevention and treatment is jaw-droppingly awful no matter what decade you’re in.

‘Maybe you (or your lover) should consider using condoms, especially if you are very active sexually and have different sex partners, whom you pick up here and there.’

Maybe? MAYBE? Ya think?”

This is pretty awful, folks.  Weed it, PLEASE!

With Love,
Mary

This Doesn’t Look Phun!

Phunology
Harbin
1923

Ooooh, what a great cover!  This look like so much phun!  Don’t you think so? The cover is soooo appealing by itselph, but I thought I’d add the spine so you could see the title.  When my public library patron comes to the repherence desk and asks phor a book to plan some games for a social, I’ll be soooo glad that this book is available.

You could play “Parlor Dodge Ball” (p. 288, pretty self-explanatory) or “Curiosity Tent” (p. 336).  Curiosity Tent is where you put out a sign that says “For Men Only” and lay out all sorts of men’s apparel and things used by men like neckties, razors, derbies, pipes, and trousers (examples from the book). “Of course you won’t be able to keep the ladies out.”  People enter the tent/curtained-off area and see what’s inside the Curiosity Tent “for men only.”  Well that sounds like phun!

Holly

Insurance advice from the olden days!

Getting your Money’s Worth
Denenberg
1974

I probably shouldn’t write blog posts on the heels of paying bills for my family.  I get a little worked up.  So forgive me readers, this one touched a nerve! 
Ugly cover not withstanding, who really thinks a consumer guide for insurance and other financial products from 1974 is still appropriate for a public library?  Evidently this library does.  Best part of this book is a table estimating total cost for certain medical and dental procedures.  Example:  a gold crown is $100-yeah, you read that one right! $100 for a gold crown procedure! (yeah, I know inflation but c’mon!  It hurts and makes me feel old)  Please for the love of Melvil Dewey, weed this one and show that public libraries are useful in the here and now.

Feeling my age,
Mary

What’s Wrong with My Snake?

What’s Wrong with My Snake?
Rossi
1996

Come on, admit it.  The cover made you laugh.  Is your snake feeling a bit under the weather? Just glove up and tell it to say “ahhh.”

This is a very useful book, and if it were re-published today I would buy a copy for my public library.  That doesn’t make the cover any less funny.

Chapters on constipation and diarrhea, for example, would come in handy if you had a snake with those problems.  Believe me, you want the proper technique when administering an enema to your pet python.

And that’s where I’m going to stop.

Holly

Teen Clean!

Quick and Easy Housekeeping
Saunders
1977

This title was plucked from a teen non-fiction section. It is a teen book about cleaning your room.  Really?  No, there is nothing wrong with the information. I just can’t see teens falling over themselves to check this book out.  As the mother of teenagers, I am here to tell you a book won’t make them clean things.  Death threats might work though.  Decorating your room or a DIY type of book with a more current-looking cover would be a much better way to go.   I have shown this book to some of our regular teen patrons.  The eye rolling that followed just confirmed my suspicions.

Mary

A Grave Matter…

Do-It-Yourself Coffins: For Pets and People
Power
1997

An ALB tipster put me on to this title.  I was DYING to get my hands on it.   With a bit of gallows-type humor (mostly puns), this book details wood carving for coffins for both humans and pets.  Really.  No, there is nothing WRONG with this book.  It really is a good choice for a wood working  collection.  Given the condition of the copy I saw, this particular book has been well loved.  I will not “out” the owning library because maybe they have a huge woodworking patronage (or a rather macabre clientele).  Personally, I cracked up at our carpenter author on the back in his death garb and the details of how you can make a coffin double as a coffee table.

I died laughing.

Mary